“…Imagine a battlefield. Smoke in the air… Ground shaking beneath… Fiery attacks coming at you one after another, again and again, non-stop… There’s no way out of this fight. Now imagine a soldier in the middle of all this. Uniform torn. Hands shaking. Dirt and blood on the soldier’s face. But still standing…
That soldier is like me. And that battlefield or battleground I’m describing isn’t one I walked onto by choice. I was born into it.
I was born in 1992… and at just a few weeks old I was diagnosed with Alagille Syndrome… It affects my liver, my heart, my bones, vision, hearing, learning pace and physical development. I had a 12+ hour long liver transplant 20 years ago. I have a heart condition where the artery carrying blood from my heart to my lungs is narrower than normal. So, when I was younger, I had multiple stents inserted to widen my artery so that blood can flow more easily. My bones, they are smaller and weaker, compared to people my own age. And my whole life, I lived with low vision, but in 2021 I found out for the first time from the eye specialist that my right eye is blind. And this year, I found out my left eye is legally blind too. I also have an ear condition and a slight hearing loss… In 2008, I had a near death episode…” (more in my book)
“As I stand here today, I also have a brain and spine condition, drug-induced diabetes, a hip and knee condition, which led to a right hip replacement surgery in 2021.
Body. One battlefront… But the attacks on this soldier didn’t stop at the body. It moved into my mind. Second battlefront.
When I was old enough to understand that I’m a sick girl and different from other little girls, I did not cope well with it. At school, I was bullied, accused, isolated, shunned, threatened and told by a student that it wouldn’t matter if I died… I was convinced that I was the problem… I told myself that it was my fault for having no friends. I was to be blamed for being bullied… I believed I wan’t worth anyone’s time or friendship…
Confidence… Every child is supposed to get the chance to grow. But mine was stolen from me. That stolen confidence didn’t just disappear, it followed me…
In 2014.. I received the news that I failed one subject (I thought it meant that I failed the whole course)… As I sat in that deep feeling of stupidity, something else happened. It wasn’t just one failed subject anymore. It was the pain from my schooling years. It was the sick girl identity I never accepted or embraced. It was over a decade of brokenness and hurt, I never dealt with, never spoken about… That failed subject was the final straw… It brought every buried thing to the surface at once… And so, I was defeated.
Spirit. Third battlefront. I wanted to commit suicide. I asked God to give up on me…” (more in my book)
“But, I am still here, today, standing. Alive. And I’m standing not because I am strong. Not because I am brave. I am far from that. But because God Himself has been with me through every season and battle… The Lord Himself will fight for you (Exodus 14:14)… Today I am a survivor, because of my Saviour Jesus Christ…”