SPEAKING AT STIRLING COLLEGE

Hi everyone, so, I’m Nikki, and I’m 30 now. When I was a baby, I was diagnosed with a really rare condition called Alagille Syndrome. For me, Alagille Syndrome affects my liver, my heart, my bones, my vision, my hearing, my learning pace, and my physical development.

Because of my multiple medical conditions, I have been in and out of the hospital countless and countless of times. I have seen countless of doctors, different specialists, surgeons, and been to multiple hospitals. I have had a liver transplant, a double jaw surgery, a right hip replacement surgery, other operations and procedures, many liver biopsies, many cardiac catheterisations, check ups, treatments, tests, scans… the list goes on and on.

My sickness also affected my schooling years. Because my learning pace is much much slower than my peers, I received special treatment in school. For examole, my teachers would give me more time to complete my assingments, and every school week, a special visiting teacher would come and sit with me to help me with my schoolwork. To top it off, I was also picked on by my peers, and for a couple of years, I was friendless. I was always alone at school. Had no one to hang with, to talk to, and this affected me personally – I blamed myself for being bullied, for not having friends, and I had zero confidence in myself. I also labelled myself – calling myself a loser, a loner, and I was convinced that I wasn’t anyone’s time or friendship. 

Almost two years ago, I found out thhat my right eye is legally blind, and my left eye will probably progress as well. Even though I was born with an eye condition, lived with low vision all my life, had countless amounts of appointments with the eye specialists, not once was the word ‘blind’ or ‘blindness’ said to me. So, it was the first time in my life finding out about this.

I remember feeling like my world was shattered. I was lost. I felt like black was my brightest colour. And hurt was my only lover.

I asked myself, “What is the point of living a long life?”

“What is my future?”

“Where is the hope in this news?”

But as I asked those questions, I remember God, showing up, just like how He has shown up for me throughout my life of challenges.

God has been with me since day one. I was boorn in a Christian family. I grew up in a Christian home. I learned about Him and the Bible at home and at church. I was baptised when I was a teenager, and when I was in my 20s, He showed me more of Himself – who He was, and taught me how to have a deeper (personal and intimate) relationship with Him.

God has always been a constant presence in my life of problems and pains.He is my coping mechanism. My medicine. My Friend. My Comforter. And He is the only one in this universe that understands every single thing that I have gone through in life.

Hebrews 4:15 (MSG, NIV) tells us that “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathise with our weaknesses… We do not have a high priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all.” like us humans.

You know, I’ve noticed a pattern. Whenever I’m in a rainy or stormy season, it always, 10 out of 10 times, comes down to God, me, and our relationship. No one else and nothing else. Not a loved one, not a best friend, not material things, not money, not pleasure. Because I’ve learned that at the end of the day. The only thing that actually, and really, matters in life is, God.

It’s not about life is short so live your life to the fullest and do whatever makes you happy. It’s about life is short so live your life with God, for God and do what makes Him happy.

Our ultimate destination is heaven, and heaven is not for 50 years or a hundred years, heaven is for eternity. Heaven is forever, and if we look at it this way, our life on earth is so futile. 

James 4:14 says, “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”

So, we don’t need to waste our life on worrying about today, tomorrow. We don’t need to waste our life on thinking about doing this or that, or focusing on our happiness, our plans, our pride, our selves. It’s really not about me, myself and I, because it’s about God. His kingdom, His will, His purpose, His plan. For me, I know that I don’t need to worry too much about my sickness, my suffering, my current circumstances…

Currently, my body is rejecting my transplanted liver. The doctors are trying to treat it with more immunosuppressive drugs. The last time I went through this experience -15 years ago, I almost died in the hospital. So, I’m not sure how this time will go. But as I said, I know I don’t need to worry too much about my current circumstances, my future on earth, I just need to focus and fix my eyes on Jesus and do His work for as long as Im here on earth. After all, we are are serving God, we are living for God, not for ourselves.

Life is short so it’s wise to live a surrendered one to the Lord.

Thank you.